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What I Instagrammed vs. What Was Really Happening, Or My Entire Life is A Lie

Olivia Muenter of Bustle takes us through the thoughts we are all thinking while staging our beautifully, artsy Instagram pictures.

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I love Instagram. Whether I’m drinking a coffee, heading to the gym or simply feeling in the mood for the occasional (okay, a little more than occasional) selfie, I love posting photos and interacting with other users. Maybe it’s because I’m a fashion girl, or perhaps it’s due to my general love for social media. Maybe it’s just that I’m a little self-obsessed. Who knows? Either way, you can almost guarantee I’m posting something once a day. Okay, sometimes twice. Oops.

Instagram, like all social media, is about presenting the ideal version of yourself. It’s not not yourself per se…it’s more like, all the best parts of you displayed to the world and ignoring all the worst parts.

I, like most people, post the things that are going to reflect the best aspects of my life and personality. Also my face. Because selfies. Why, yes, I do drink coffee at hip cafes and order things online from J.Crew. Oh, don’t mind me, just a picture of my new Nike’s and I heading to spin class. Because I’m fit. Obviously (I’m not). Oh, look! I’m doing a juice cleanse. I buy peonies! I read books! I am well-rounded! I have shoes!

You know, the important parts of my life.

1. THE CLEARLY STAGED PHOTO

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What It Looks Like I’m Doing…

Oh, how exciting. I just received a package from J.Crew. Let me carefully arrange them around these flowers that happen to coordinate with both the preppy notebook (I am keeping a list of things to do: “buy peonies, sign book deal, pet golden retriever puppies, actually enjoy spin class, develop natural ‘glow’”) and new earrings I just received. I will wear them to a trendy cocktail hour with my boyfriend, who wears a skinny tie and talks about imported coffee.

What I’m Actually Doing/Thinking…

PRETTY THINGS. PUT THEM TOGETHER. AESTHETICS. Who wouldn’t like this? What if it’s too much? Okay, this is clearly staged. But it’s so pretty. It all goes together. Okay, I’m going to post it. What should I caption? Hash tags? No? Ugh.

2. THE COFFEE + SHOES SHOT

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What It Looks Like I’m Doing…

Just casually picking up a skinny, non-fat, soy, two Splendas, non-Starbucks-because-I’m-cool latte before my mani/pedi appointment, where I will casually sip my coffee and simultaneously plan my week/world takeover on my iPhone.

What I Am Actually Doing/Thinking…

In reality, I had to hide in a side alley to take this photo, because it embarrasses my boyfriend when I take photos of this sort of thing. I also have to do a weird hunch, arm-hook thing to get the correct aerial shot. My thoughts: “I always forget to take off that damn hair band. Do I look pregnant? I look kind of pregnant. I’m not pregnant. WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK THAT?”

3. THE JUICE CLEANSE SHOT

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What It Looks Like I’m Doing…

Don’t mind me, just starting out my week with some trendy water and an organic juice. Will I eat food today? No. It’s a cleanse, people. Who needs solid food? Babies don’t need solid food. And look at them, they’re always cute. I am a health goddess. I stopped eating gluten because Cameron Diaz stopped eating gluten.

What I’m Actually Doing/Thinking…

I started this juice cleanse sometime after Christmas break, which mostly involved me eating entire boxes of Cheez-Its on my parents couch. This particular juice had something crazy, like, 430 baby carrots in it. Nothing else. I think I made it until 2 p.m. without solid food, and then I sort of blacked out. Now I just have a memory of lying on my living floor, face-down pounding the carpet with my fist and cursing Jennifer Aniston’s physique. I don’t know. It’s all fuzzy now.

4. THE ULTIMATE SELFIE

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What It Looks Like I’m Doing…

I just got back from vacation and thought I’d share my new, totally natural glow with all of you. This lipstick? Also new. I AM SO HAPPY BECAUSE MY LIFE IS TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY PERFECT. I took this photo one time. One time. This is how I look all the time. All. The. Time.

What I’m Actually Doing/Thinking…

Do you want to know how my pictures I shot before I actually captured a photo that both accurately (and attractively) displayed how happy I was in this moment? 56. I hope you’re judging me, because I am. Also, the entire epidermis of my forehead is peeling off in this photo because I didn’t use sunscreen one day by the pool. Ah, cropping.

5. THE GOURMET FOOD SHOT

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What It Looks Like I’m Doing…

Just another day on a family vacation, eating delicious, fresh seafood in a rustic setting. This photo was casually taken in between drinking a craft beer and letting the salty mist of the ocean blow through my hair.

What I’m Actually Doing/Thinking…

I actually stood on a wobbly, wooden bench that was two inches away from the edge of a third-floor balcony to get this picture. Was it worth it? Maybe.

Read more at Bustle

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37 Unanswered Questions We Have From Disney Movies (Plus the One We Finally Got Answered!)

rs_560x415-140710161347-1024.disneyDisney / E Online

We’ve got questions about almost every single Disney film, and if anyone knows the answer, please, by all means, let us know.

1. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
rs_560x415-140714115927-1024.snow-white.cm.71414_copyDisney / E Online

Q: What do the dwarves do with all the diamonds they mine every day? We know they don’t keep them or else they would be rich and not all living in the same damn house.

2. Pinocchio
rs_560x415-140714120145-1024.pin.cm.71414_copyDisney / E Online

Q: Did Pinocchio continue to grow up after he became a real boy? Or was he stuck in that age forever?

3. Fantasia
rs_560x415-140714120253-1024.fantasia.cm.71414_copyDisney / E Online

Q: What were y’all smoking when you made this?

4. Dumbo
rs_560x415-140714120415-1024.dumbo.cm.71414_copy (1)Disney / E Online

Q: Who thought it was a good idea to have a nightmarish alcohol-induced freakout in the middle of Dumbo?

5. Bambi
rs_560x415-140714120547-1024.bambi.cm.71414_copy (1)Disney / E Online

Q: How dare you?

6. Cinderella
reg_1024.cinderella.mh.101112Disney / E Online

Q: What would have happened if some other woman fit into that glass slipper before they got all the way to Cinderella’s house? And also, if the Prince really cared about finding her, why didn’t he go door to door himself instead of letting his father send his lackey?

Read more at E Online

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