On a scale of one to confused on game day, I would say many a girl takes the cake for exceeding the range.
Unless you grew up with brothers whom forced you to embrace fantasy football, or you were born with Erin Andrews’ DNA, it’s tough to feign enough interest in the game to last a whole season.
But still, on Saturday mornings in college, you smudge on makeup, dress up in your cutest guy’s girl outfit and head out to try to be that elusive cool girl who’s into sports.
Here are the six thoughts you probably have amidst game day activities:
“Should I just go take a nap instead of going to the game?”
Pass out and rally, duh. This policy is pretty much the backbone to making it out at night after waking up at 8 am to excessively drink — largely out of boredom — until 4 pm.
After you feel like you’ve had enough beauty sleep, get up, fix your hair and makeup and continue to binge-drink.
The key to not getting a hangover is to keep drinking, right?
“Ugh, I literally don’t understand anything, ever.”
So maybe you’ve zoned out a few times and just yelled when everyone else did… it happens. (Guy’s will automatically assume you have no idea what’s going on, anyway.)
However, if you do have a serious question, I’m sure the guy next to you would be happy to help you out.
He will most likely proceed on some football rant that makes absolutely no sense and will probably make you even less interested than before, but just let it happen. (Tip: Smile and nod.)
It’s the girls who know their sh*t that will stand out to the boys, so just keep doing you; scream and jump when it seems appropriate.
“I’d rather just stay at the tailgate and continue my liquid cleanse… of alcohol.”
You’ve probably just had an entire week full of work and studying, mixed with ungodly amounts of drama, which have made you more than ready to get “boozing with the babes.”
You never know what will happen on that field, so even though you probably don’t understand what a “down” is, just try to make it to the game.
“Who’s number 10?! He looks hot.”
Between all the gear #10 is wearing, your horrible seat in the stands and your impaired vision, this “hottie” probably won’t look so hot when you look him up on the roster.
But, a girl can dream and doing so will get you through the day.
“I have to go buy a new outfit for the game!”
Finding the perfect equilibrium between looking obsessed with your school while still looking cute is crucial for game-day attire.
I’ve bought my fair share of school t-shirts and other accessories, but realistically, you need to make yourself look like a piece of eye candy that’s sugar-coated in your school colors.
When the other team’s visitors pass you, they should want to transfer.
“OMG, I hope we get a home run!”
You should probably go home at this point. You’ve probably blamed some of your other irrelevant comments on “being sooo drunk that you literally can’t even right now,” so it might be a good idea to stop making yourself look even worse.
Home Run = Baseball. Touchdown = Football. Enough said.
Ladies, next weekend, keep these thoughts and tips in mind; grab a drink and your friends and go enjoy the game. Nothing beats the fun of game day and everything that leads up to kickoff.