13. Caffeine Everywhere
It seems like the whole university would crash without caffeine. When anything important is done, whether by professors or students, it’s usually done at the last minute-and with tons of caffeine.
Whether it’s an early morning or 4AM in the dorm hallway, we are consuming coffee and energy drinks, like caffeine is going out of style.
12. You Know Me but I Don’t Know You
The first two weeks of freshman year are hard for everyone from out of town. We talk to anyone who listens to avoid the fear of going through the next four years alone. However, once other friendships are established, we see these minor acquaintances literally everywhere.
We are now obligated to say “hi” for the rest of your college career, because of the one conversation shared during welcome week.
11. Homework Shame
If homework isn’t absolutely required to pass the class, it won’t be done. We take the risk of not doing the reading assignments from the overpriced textbook we were “required” to purchase in hopes that maybe we’ll get through one more lecture without having to speak.
10. Tuesday Night Retching
It’s a Tuesday night. There are no sounds of a party. Yet someone is puking in the bathroom. It’s not even flu season, but things went from zero to 100, real quick.
It should make us feel responsible for staying in and doing homework, but we just feel depressed that, somewhere, there’s a party and we didn’t get the invite.
9. Gender Mix-Up Party
Gender balance at a party is absolutely key. Not too many females can be present and too many males create a frustrated disaster pool of testosterone.
Some people try and play it cool, but there’s always a select group from each gender that cannot have fun until there’s enough of the other gender to entertain them
8. Costume Mix-Up Party
Themed parties give young women an excuse to dress up outrageously and everyone an excuse to drink in a costume. Sometimes, the instructions are unclear and there’s no real theme to anything.
There’s always the few hipsters who refuse to dress up at all. No one likes them.
7. No More Booze Mix-Up Party
When a party runs out of alcohol too early, there’s an immediate panic that spreads throughout the crowd. It seems to happen way too often and yet no one figures out how to fix the problem.
These are the moments when everyone sees how dependent on alcohol they are for socialization.
6. Skunk Smell in the Shower
We’re getting ready for a full day of classes. Hopes are high. It’s a good day! We walk into the dorm shower room and it smells like a skunk just freaked out in the stall next to you.
Ohhhhh yeah. The guy with an equal amount of Bob Marley posters and dropped classes just left the stall next door. He may be lazy, but he’s smart to know no one suspects him in the shower stall.
5. Gym Professor
Some professors are sitting on stacks. Others, particularly those from the literature and poetry departments, have the same amount of income as some of their students. Thus, they take full advantage of the university gym and we awkwardly run into them in their workout clothes.
They make awkward jokes about homework and you try not to look at their tan lines.
Nobody wins. Nobody.
4. Eating Things That Aren’t Food
Lets be honest. Our bank account is always running low. And ever since we left Mom’s, our idea of a healthy diet has become completely warped.
Now someone else’s pizza crust from two days ago paired with a flat, half-empty soda seems like the perfect brain-healthy snack to get us through finals.
In actuality, the only thing it’s getting us through is the Freshman 15.
3. Buzzed Homework
Sometimes we stumble home from a party and realize that a paper is due in 6 hours. We have no choice but to finish it, no matter what state we’re in.
While the typing is more difficult than normal, we realize that making up facts to pass a class is just as easy intoxicated as it is sober.
Weird how that works..
2. Roommate Property Mix-Up
It’s halfway through the semester and things are getting comfortable. This means the tidiness that our dorm room began with is slowly melting into a puddle of laundry, trash, and homework.
Then, inevitably, said puddle and our roommate’s puddle collide. This results in passive aggressive claims of property that nobody wanted in the first place.
1. Ratchet Roommates
Our roommates are…unique…people who usually never do laundry and eat way too many Cheetos. Somehow they convinced a member of the opposite sex to go on a date. Now we have to wallow in self pity, thinking, “That could have been me,” while sitting in the library stalking exes on Facebook.